In my experience in the world, I have found that there is huge importance attached to having answers, to being “right”. This was the basis of all of the schooling I went through, and I continue to encounter this way of thinking (or not thinking) in all areas of life. I believe this is a flawed approach, especially when we are dealing with an art form.
Today, I am asking you to take some time to think before you start to play. Ask yourself if you already know what you want, if you have all the answers, and if so examine these opinions a little bit—you don’t need to be nasty or judgmental in this examination, just look at them kindly and ask if they are really serving you. Can you change your thoughts a little bit, and instead of thinking of right and wrong, and practicing to train yourself to be more correct, can you play your instrument in a way that leads you to some new questions? Can you play with openness, and find more possibilities within your work? Are there old ingrained thought patterns that interfere with your ability to do this? Do you value certain aspects of music purely because of this training? If you were to let go of it, would it change the things you value in a performance?
I believe that you are the expert in your own music and practice, and that you can find the questions and the answers that are right for you, as long as you leave space for them, invite them in, and welcome them—and once you find something, stay open to letting it change over time. This may mean that you need to learn to trust yourself, which is not something that happens automatically, especially in a culture that likes to set certain individuals up as experts and expect their students to follow their direction unquestioningly. It is, of course, much more lucrative for such an “expert” to keep their followers hanging on their every word for as long as possible, and to keep them feeling dependent on crumbs of approval to imagine they are progressing, so I encourage you to stay skeptical and trust yourself. Most of what you need is within you.
My apologies for missing my promised weekly post last week; I am paralyzed with the horror of the genocide in Palestine, as well as all the violence happening around the world, of which most (if not all) is a direct result of colonialism. We need a drastic reimagining of our world and its structures. We must do better.
Free Palestine
Catherine Sikora 